I need this. Right now, this is something I should be doing for myself.
I was looking to change the wallpaper on my phone to something less sad than my Maddy and Kir staring at me from the pixels, their high-definition eyes seeming wetter than normal. Surely they miss me, right?
I began to scroll through the old pictures. This was not an excellent idea.
Everything is so shattered right now. I don’t like the person I see, which probably accounts for the perma-disheveledness. But looking back through the images of the last year … its misleading. You don’t take pictures of the bad times. You don’t capture those moments in a physical way, though the resentments they create seem to be more physical at times.
But of the good times, there were so many. So many smiles. So many embraces. So many laughs.
There’s been a huge disconnect for me for a long time. Only now am I finally faced with loneliness, a lack of someone to share the mundane or inspirational with. Its been very aptly described as mourning by others. How do you mourn someone who isn’t dead and gone?
The only thing that makes sense, that helps to push things forward, is to mourn yourself.